


hemorrhage

by poetjasmi (orphan_account)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Asphyxiation, M/M, Masturbation, Praise Kink, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-23 21:52:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/poetjasmi
Summary: Takashi hadn't meant to get attached to anyone before going to space but, it turns out, he has the shittest luck ever.In which Shiro is a physics grad student/physics teacher training for the Kerberos mission with social anxiety and dealing with Mr. Kogane for the sake of Keith's future.





	hemorrhage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Warmybones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warmybones/gifts), [shyfoxes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shyfoxes/gifts).



> Can't believe I wrote this. This was written for Ree (curse you, Ree) and, by proximity to the topic, Ula. Both of y'all are heathens who don't like coleslaw and demanded Shiro, with his bara anxiety, have a bara man give him a bara hug. 
> 
> Disclaimer: there are always mistakes in my fics. And, at this point, I can't tell if this is an exercise in "Can Jasmine pick out the mistakes _as_ she types" or if I'm just the laziest little lady ever.

**September**

Takashi does not waste time in his lecture, sitting everyone down to discuss the fundamental basics of physics and answering the questions of one very excited young man, Lance, at the front of the class who leans towards the board with an almost shy smile on his face as he nugs who Takashi begins to suspect is the rumored Keith Kogane, the son of a notorious pilot and at the top of his sophomore class. Takashi, of course, keeps his composure despite the amount of questions and the obvious whispering the two students do right in front of him, as they are stationed at the front of the class (a choice the student coupled with Mr. Kogane took once he walked into the classroom at 9:00 a.m., fresh and ready to go with some kind of shimmery substance on his lips [it has to be lip gloss, it can't be anything else]).

He hadn't taken roll, coming in late from a teacher meeting with Iverson in which Iverson spared no words and bluntly told the Garrison to get their shit right. "You have one chance and that chance is today. Make those students feel welcome but do not allow them to be jackasses within my institution."

So, there Takashi was, the last person to his own classroom, asking politely yet sternly for students to move out of his way so he could unlock the door and allow a flood to enter what he called home for the past few weeks of summer. The lights automatically turn on and they are bright enough to have Takashi blinking blearily and trying his best to find his misplaced glasses so he can better focus on getting his laptop up and running for the first lesson.

Unfortunately, by the time ten minutes have gone by, he's already frustrated with his laptop's inability to hook up with the projector and decides, fuck it, _my handwriting is neat enough,_ and he flattens the bottom of his button-up, determination enough to make him go up to the white board, draw up a velocity vector problem and call someone to the front.

"Anyone?"

No one.

It's comical how scared they all are to possibly be called upon to answer a question they surely know the answer to (to enter advanced physics, you _must_ have at least taken a precalculus course and Takashi knows for a fact vectors are covered and is, from his own experience at least, the easiest topic covered so he's tempted to call everyone's bluff when he asks if anyone can do this and no one immediately gets up). "I know it's been a long summer for some of you but _someone_ must know how to do this." And his attention rests on Lance, who touches Keith's arms intimately and whispers something in his ear which has Takashi clutching the black expo marker harder in his hands. "Fine, I'll do this and you better be taking notes since I know Mr. Thomas taught all of you this at some point and you should know it."

Takashi does the work quickly, again, not wasting time. He makes notes on the side that would surely be helpful to anyone who actually hasn't done this before and managed to take this particular course without it's recommended buddy, calculus. He makes no mistakes, is clear and concise, and slightly tired as he didn't have any caffeine and has the busiest schedule already.

But he hears the chatter of a singular student while his back is turned, the lightness of Lance's tone of voice and the merriment that accompanies what Takashi assumes would be rapid gesticulating about something related to candles and bubble baths, and he wants to turn around, snappy.

He doesn't.

He has personally met Lance before, during a chance meeting at registration when Lance came in looking as cute as a button and dead tired. "You're the physics teacher, yeah?" Takashi nodded and began to think of all the names on his roster. But Lance introduced himself sweet and simple, asked him what kind of materials he might need for the class and, when Takashi asked what grade level he was in and found out Lance was, funnily enough, an underclassman in his higher-level class, Lance laughed at Takashi's concern and said that nothing could be harder than his flight simulator classes. "As long as you don't yell at me, I definitely shouldn't fail your class."

So Takashi stays optimistic no matter how much he wants to snap and ends up talking to Lance for the majority of the class period because 1. no one else seems willing to talk and 2. Lance is making his job of teaching easier by cooperating.

When class ends and while Takashi is insisting everyone remember to take a syllabus and read it over as it is written in plain layman's terms and delineates all the necessary project and test dates, Lance comes up to him to ask several questions about the worksheet they received towards the middle of class. Significant figures he gets but picking which equation to use is harder than he thought even when he writes which variable means which. Behind Lance is the young man, Keith Kogane, standing there uninterested in Takashi or any of the commotion but Takashi assumes it's because he doesn't care.

And the look fits him. He's got some kind of introverted bad-boy attitude going on as he waits obediently close to Lance who himself is paying no mind to Keith but more on Takashi's take on Lance's most missed step.

They finish rather quickly though Takashi could talk on and on about this to someone like Lance who absorbs every drop (something he admires in a student) and he turns to Keith, eyebrow raised. "Do you need any help with anything?"

Lance smiles, "He's too smart to get help. He wouldn't bother with it."

Which is rich because Keith ends up failing the first and easiest test in Takashi's course which is cause for concern and immediately prompts a call home.

A meeting is assigned and Keith is given only a week to complete test-corrections (which is a saving grace for Keith because Takashi is not forgiving when it comes to failing grades but he'll make an exception for those falling between a 50 and 59 percent).

So he's sitting across from Keith's dad who has introduced himself as Jackson. "But, please, call me Jack," said with a gentle smile that would make Takashi weak if he was not on a mission to figure out how the prodigy son of the Garrison's best graduate is managing to fail his class with so much nonchalance when he _knows_ for a fact and, according to his record, that Keith has never once gotten a grade below an A. Never. Ever. His record consist of so many accolades Takashi is nearly jealous that, even as the Garrison's top junior staff member and trainee for the infamous Kerberos mission, he's falling behind one of his own students. And maybe that's why he's so frustrated with Keith's carefreeness. He sees potential in him, especially when Lance comes up with questions and Keith manages to know the answer before Takashi does.

Jack listens to his concerns avidly but holds up a hand for Takashi to pause in his speech when he mentions how he knows Keith's fullness has not been reached. "If we're going to be honest here, and I intend to be as honest as possible," Jack says, placing his hands neatly on top of his crossed legs, "Keith is an anomaly. I'm proud of him but he confuses me just as much as he confuses you. I kinda figure he was legitimately confused with your first unit and will bounce back in no time. How has he done on the corrections?"

"He's doing well on them. Gets every one of them right and will bring his 52 up to a 76. His reasons for getting them wrong are arbitrary, however. Stuff like I forgot how the sine and cosine rules though I know he couldn't have because he got the top grade in calculus last semester. He can't possibly not remember the basics."

Jack shrugs. Takashi sighs. That seems to be the common theme of this meeting.

By the end of their conference, nothing has been agreed on.

Jack puts a friendly hand on Takashi's shoulder, warm and solid. "We'll be in touch." He smells like desert sand, so reassuring and certain even through the uncertainty of time that he will sustain.

**October**

This is less of a meeting like the first time they met as a meeting implies forethought, prior knowledge and an agenda whereas Takashi and Jack reunite coincidentally at the local taco joint on a Tuesday (because discounted tacos make for a happy Takashi). He is pointing out his favorite beans to the employee behind the glass, asking for queso actually on the taco rather than in a cup because it feels better that way, when he hears Lance in a booth trying to explain the astrophysics behind a black-hole which kind of makes Takashi's heart swell because, honestly, he loves the enthusiasm even if it's sometimes too loud for his taste and he loves that when he looks at who Lance is talking to, it's Keith who is taking in every word, every bit of knowledge like his life depends on it. Next to him is Jack, equally enthralled. To be completely objective here, who wouldn't be when Lance talks about the phenomenon of time and space with such natural skill.

He grabs his tray and sits somewhere away from them and commences his own homework. Training for Kerberos is nothing but intensity, high-level understanding and so much biology that he might as well drown in every article that discusses the bottleneck effect. He's tired of staring at all his documents, tired of going to the lab and seeing Matt worked like a dog but, hey, this is the kind of shit they do to pay off their education and become someone important. Teaching and learning at the same time didn't _sound_ hard at first, when he signed up for the teacher cadet program, but he's buried in assignments, grading papers in his sleep and wondering why Keith wouldn't look at him in class the way he's looking at Lance now as he explains why he prefers feta cheese over American cheese.

But he supposes he's stressed and not thinking rationally. Keith is one student, however much Takashi might worry about him at night. His grades have significantly improved. So much so that he and Lance switch between number one and two but he's worried that Keith might slip again.

He works on a choice assignment. A lab report he's been waiting to read all day. He slides on his glasses and annotates while taking bites out of his taco every once in awhile.

"Hi, Mr. Shirogane!" Lance is sweet enough to cower back when Takashi grimaces when he turns to return the hello. Keith has his hand on Lance's lower back and offers a polite wave as Lance begins his downward spiral, "We just came to say hi. Didn't mean to bother you or anything."

Takashi takes off his glasses and rubs his temple quickly before leaning his head in his hands, looking up at his two students. "Don't apologize, it isn't necessary. You aren't a bother, Lance." Lance perks up at the indirect praise and Takashi turns his attention to Keith who is looking off at his father who himself is cleaning the booth they sat in. "How are you and your father doing today?"

"He's good," Keith supplies, turning his attention back to Takashi. "He's been worried about me, mostly."

"Why's that?"

Keith shrugs, wordless as Jack comes up behind him. Takashi suspects that conversation is over as Jack leans over to shake his hand. It is warm in his own, stabilizing in a way that is comforting. "Is Keith here telling you how much of a helicopter parent I am?"

Takashi smiles but before he answers, Keith butts in. "Actually, yeah because you are."

Lance laughs and Takashi would too if he were less stressed out.

"I really can't object," Jack laughs too. Pats Takashi on the back as they begin to leave. "We'll leave you be. See you around sometime?"

"I—Yeah, of course," he stutters.

When they are out of eye range, Takashi closes his eyes and thinks of all the ways he could have fixed that discussion and lands on that he could have, in general, not spoken at all beyond a hello.

**November**

He gets a text in the middle of grading papers. He's nearly on the verge of tears, sitting in a coffee shop and angry, so _angry_ that Iverson would demand he do more than he can mentally handle and Iverson _knows_ about Takashi's hang-ups, the long nights he spends so done with this whole system. He feels borderline exploited and being told the work he does is the least he can do? The cherry on the top.

When he ordered his green tea at the counter, he could tell the barista was slightly frightened by this fragile grad student falling apart none too gently with so many papers in his satchel and his face red. He refrains from grasping his cup too hard when he sees his name spelled wrong on the cup but he's so mad, barely able to get out a "Thank you."

So when he looks at the text and sees it's from an unknown number that announces itself as Jackson Kogane, Takashi ignores it for a solid five minutes to woefully scribble on papers and breathe too heavily for the sake of the other patrons in shop until he hears the rumbling vibrations of his phone yet again until it's too consistent with the rapid beating of his heart and he's overwhelmed that someone cares and he doesn't _want_ anyone to care right now. Right now, Takashi wants to sob on some random student's physics quiz and get to his shared apartment, go to sleep because he can't look at Matt burning himself out beyond belief on their lab reports.

But the constant beeping upsets him more to the point that he thinks he might start hyperventilating in a public place and he'd much rather prefer that didn't happen.

He shuts his phone off and will deal with the consequences later. If that means an angry parent knocking down his office door, he can't say he cares that much.

He sips his drink through sniffles and wipes away tears when he thinks too hard about his God awful day and he keeps grading papers because he can hyper focus on one menial task and pretend like he enjoys the amount of responsibility placed in his hands. Once upon a time, he was excited at the prospect of staying up for hours on end, feeling important, like he did something for the greater good. He wanted to wake up at odd hours in the morning and run to the lab with Matt to check on their manufactured bacteria and write lab reports and train to go on the Kerberos mission. He dreamt night after night that he'd get to have this honor of being so trusted and so connected to Iverson that he'd call upon him to teach a physics class. It's all he wanted.

And, in retrospect, he figures he piled too much on his plate and he deserves this bout of anxiety because he did this. No one but him.

No one asked him to keep pushing for his position. He could have stopped, breathed for a second, gone on a date for once, gone to a party. Done anything but work so hard and think, _If only I could climb higher, what would I see?_ He was greedy, so greedy, and so _stupid._

He shoves all his papers into his bag and exits the building. He knows he's going to have a panic attack any minute and it's not going to do him any good if he's out in public so he walks and cries, doesn't stop at any street corner and, instead, apologizes to on-coming cars as he walks back to his office, head pounding and his eyes blurry.

When he makes it to his office door, he abruptly stops.

Jack stands there, waving and unsure of himself, and Takashi thinks of how he must look: a mess in general, curled lip and furled eyebrows and an expression like he's going to collapse any second. He could feel himself drawn tight and, if he had to stand and endure this encounter any longer without reassurance that he could cry, that he could let it go, he was going to combust. "I, uh, I can leave if you need me to?"

Takashi took a deep breath and it was, admittedly, shaky in his chest. But he tipped his tea at Jack, forcing a smile he knows is wet with his tears and trying it's damn hardest to curve into a frown, and says, "If you open my door while I wipe my face, I can help you with anything you need." He tosses the keys over to Jack, the key for his office labeled because Takashi legitimately took the time to label all his keys this summer, and he grabs some tissues from his satchel and makes himself semi-presentable. Quells the panic attack and thinks, _Later, I can cry this all out later._

The door opens and they go inside. "I can always leave, you know?" Jack looks uncomfortable holding a small colorful bag at his side.

"No, no. Go ahead. What do you need?" He sets his satchel down and leans on his desk.

Jack stands up straight, leveling with Takashi, and presents the bag like it hadn't been visible and Takashi almost laughs because it's cute seeing a grown-man look so nervous (nervous with reason, of course. Takashi is pink in the cheeks, has red-rimmed eyes and hair sticking up because he's been doing nothing but pulling it while trying not to cry on his students' papers and, goddamnit, he achieved that much this evening. No tear splotches anywhere).

"Thank you, what's this?"

Jack rubs the back of his neck and, for the first time, Takashi sees a bit of the resemblance between Keith and Jack—the hard jaw, the same sparse stubble on their chin. But he also sees where they diverge and it's clear. Close up, he sees that Jack has rich chocolate eyes and a sheepish smile that is nearly mesmerizing.

Jack points at the gift, holding his neck in his other hand unlike what Keith will do when Lance praises him for answering one of his harder questions. "Keith forgot to bring it before fall break started," he rolls his eyes a bit but all in good jest, "but it's for letting him do test corrections. We know you're a hard teacher and you've got a lot on your plate so we thought it proper to say thank you for all you've done for him. It's been a difficult semester, I know."

He opens the gift and grabs the card first which is cute and tiny and he doesn't doubt Lance made it as he sees his straight-edge handwriting saying thank you for dealing with the two of them. Lance leaves a p.s. that is sugary sweet and Takashi can't help but tear up: "I was scared to take your class and still am scared that I'm going to suddenly fail a quiz but you have lots of patience and one of the most encouraging voices ever so you make me (and Keith!) want to do better. Thanks."

Deeper in the bag is silk bow tie and a nice white mug with his initials on it.

It's probably nothing to cry about but it's all so thoughtful and he's overdue for a mental breakdown so he buries his face in his hands and takes the heaviest breath before letting it out.

"Um," Jack says, "I'm sorry?"

"No," Takashi says between breaths. "No, don't be sorry. It's really nice."

"Thanks?"

"Yeah," Takashi doesn't have it in him to speak much because he's tired and he still has things to do though it's eight o'clock at the beginning of Thanksgiving break.

"Do you need anything?"

Takashi holds out his arms for a hug and is gathered wonderfully in arms strong and sturdy, a chest as warm as his tea when he first got it, and this feeling settles in his own stomach, pressing. He feels safe enough to hyperventilate and it's funny because his mother raised him not to ever do this in front of strangers but here he is, shaking and crying in front of Keith's dad.

After that, he gets invited to Thanksgiving with the Kogane family plus Lance. Though he was apprehensive at first, Jack immediately took his hand at the door, smoothed his thumb against Takashi's knuckles and smiled brightly like he didn't see Takashi cry and sniffle and get snot on his shirt (for which he apologized profusely. Honest mistake! He thought he had that under control but he moved away and was affronted with the mess he made and was embarrassed beyond belief).

**December**

When Jack visits his office like clockwork to discuss Keith and to check up on Takashi, he took it, first, as having another parent in his life to watch him and chastise the things he did, the things he said, the way he functioned and it, in general, made him anxious to have Jack around in the first place. Every move Takashi made was calculated and reasoned but, when Jack stepped into his space, his motions were guesswork, silly and uncoordinated. Why bother to adjust his pens at a specific time? Why choose a particular piece of paper when all the others on top of that piece were just as good, just as immaculate as the one he ended up using? These decisions are calculated but they also make very little sense in the grand scheme of it all.

But Takashi soon comes to realize that Jack is less of a parent and more of a friend, noting the critical changes in Takashi's posture when he walks in on a Saturday afternoon when he's free and Takashi is on his lunch break and says, "No, don't change anything you're doing."

And Takashi appreciates that a lot.

Especially when he's breaking again after doing less than okay on an assignment. He waits for Jack to arrive before falling apart. And Jack tells him it's okay because this isn't his parent, this isn't Matt who expects him to be okay enough to get them an A on their partnered project, this isn't Iverson asking him to perform a thousand tricks. This is Jack and he doesn't expect anything but a good education for his son and a mentally healthy lunch partner on Saturdays.

**January**

Takashi is hung up on the fact that he's leaving tomorrow. So hung up in fact that Keith and Lance planned a surprise party for him at Jack's house. And he almost declines but he's already there and he's meeting people, being handed a drink, and eating a magnificent cake Jack spent all of his weekend cooking to perfection along with the cupcakes and cookies to the side. He doesn't want any of it to go to waste and he _can't_ because it's Jack who is standing there in a pink, frilly apron looking ridiculous for once and flustered beyond belief as he asks if Takashi is really up for a party especially before his big day.

It's early afternoon and he figures, hey, what could go wrong? He'll take a swing of the kool-aid and pat Lance on the back when he tells a horrendous joke that makes Keith groan. He'll hang around Jack mostly who does nothing but shoot him looks while he's at the grill. The most that can go wrong is he does exactly as he does and finds himself tipsy in the Kogane's backyard under a plethora of stars, the moon casting a breathy glow on all of them parked squarely in the grass counting each little burning light.

And somehow, someway, Jack will let him make the first move and have Takashi right where he wants him that night: putty in his hands, Takashi gasping for air while pressed tight against a wall.

He never thought they would come to this which was naive mostly on his part.

There was a fire burning in him when Jack asked him to stay a little longer after Keith and Lance left and because he stayed, he should have known the night couldn't end any other way. But he had stayed, flirted like they always did and sprawled out on the couch watching 48 Hours because Jack was that kind of middle-aged man and Takashi was willing to make fun of that kind of middle-aged man. Calling him old and teasing his inability to hear anything whatsoever. It's funny until he's thinking of something to say, something to make Jack laugh, and he ends up staring at Jack's face for longer than necessary. He's picking apart each sturdy detail of his face and finds that Jack is looking at him with an indescribable emotion.

He comes to a crossroads.

He could let this moment go, unnoticed and unbothered, or he gives in and kissing the shit out of Jack like he's thought of doing for a long time.

Jack doesn't move from that initial touch of their lips. "Uh, Shirogane—"

"Shiro is fine."

Jack goes silent, giving him a once-over befitting someone who is startled and feels out of place. "Shiro, then." He flips the television off and adjusts himself on the couch so he can comfortably look at Takashi when he makes or breaks Takashi's heart, "You sure about this?"

One question he hadn't expected to be asked and whatever fire was in him has simmered down to the embers, awaiting a lighter and a fan to bring it back to its roaring life or awaiting the shrouding humiliation of a foot to snuff it out. He doesn't want to question his decision today, he can question it tomorrow when it's too late and he's the Garrison's property for literally months because he can't escape the confines of a rocket-ship. He can question it over those many months alone, savoring what he can't erase, what he thinks he wouldn't want to erase because, whether he knew it or not, he's been pining after Jack for eternity and wants to do something about the ache in his heart when Jack cares, when he smiles, when he looks in his direction.

The answer is simple. Yeah, of course, he's sure.

He kisses him harder the second time and makes for Jack to lie down on the couch so they can do this right, with Takashi's hand flat on his chest and Jack's hips between Takashi's thighs. He likes this, especially when Jack grumbles as Takashi pulls away to remove his shirt. He makes to tongue the hell out of Jack's mouth again but Jack looks at him with an expression of maturity and a need different from that of a quick hook-up.

"What do you want out of this?" Jack sits up, removes his shirt (it seems more so they can match and so that Takashi feels comfortable being naked as Takashi crunches in to hide himself immediately after taking off his clothes so abruptly). "Whatever you want to do, I can do for you, Shiro." He noses at Takashi's cheek with his eyes half-lidded and his hand fiddling with Takashi's navel piercing which is small, unassuming and glittering under the low living-room light. "Anything you want," Jack reminds him.

"Everything you've got is good."

**February**

Takashi has spent five weeks in space and he wonders about home. About his mother, the tea she picked for the day and how her flower garden is going in the middle of winter. About his students whom he misses even though none of them are technically his students anymore, all of them passing his physics exam with so much gusto. About Lance who he knows is watching Keith the way Takashi had asked him to ("Keep a close eye on him. Academically, he gets carried away. Don't let him fail any first unit tests. That will kick him in the ass"). Of course about Keith by proxy and Pidge who Matt consistently talks about like Takashi didn't grow up with the twerp crawling into his lap when he was playing video games at Matt's house.

About Jack. He thinks about Jack frequently. He's a blockade on Takashi's train-of-thought's tracks, sometimes. He wonders, _Why didn't I take pictures with him? He fucked me and I didn't take pictures of him for when I went to space._

At night when he retires to his own mattress after an aimless day of training to keep his bone density intact and not allowing his muscles to atrophy, his thoughts linger on the ever present knowledge that Takashi was thinking of him, that he was hard and he wouldn't mind Jack being there with him to choke him like he did the night before he left, hand on his throat when he spewed nothing but pretty words for just Takashi. "When you come back home," he said, rubbing his cock against Takashi's taint because they had to wait, because there was apparently something special in fucking Takashi the way he wanted and Jack wasn't going to give him the kind of fuck he needed until they had figured out what _they_ meant to them, "I'm going to make you come for hours. Lay you out nice and slow."

Takashi gasps, then and now, remembering and recollecting as he dips his wet fingers into himself and cuffs his hand over his mouth, silently groaning.

When he cums, it's because he's piecing together fragments of vague memories. A hickey on Jack's collarbone, drool on his jawbone, his hand guiding the movement of Takashi's ass against his dick as they squeezed tight there and around his windpipes.

Takashi wants to go home now.

**Author's Note:**

> So...next on my list of things to write: Harry Potter Voltron fic. Please!! If you know any Harry Potter art, send that my way. I need it. Especially if it's Ravenclaw Lance (because? For some reason, everyone assumes Lance is Slytherin and I think _not_ ) and Gryffindor Keith and Hufflepuff Shiro (please! send this my way). 
> 
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/poetjasmi)  
> [Tumblr](http://rebelrumi.tumblr.com/)  
> *whispers* I have a patreon (my username is poetjasmi. You could have fics/chapters a month in advance).


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